But you made me do this. Larry Ellison and I went out on his yacht today and did some fishing. We were looking for dolphins but guess what, we got lucky. That's me in the yellow slickers, admiring my catch. Beside me is Larry's latest Asian squeeze, Ping-Mi Nao, a twelfth-grader at Sacred Heart Academy in Atherton. She's been working as an intern at Oracle but next month will be named CEO of Larry's new software-as-a-service startup.
Greenpeace, since you wanna play hardball, let's play hardball. We're gonna stuff this big fella with broken iMacs and iPods and Cinema Displays and drag him up the coast and drop him someplace where Eskimos go fishing. Just remember who you're messing with. I'm friggin Steve Jobs, bitch. I invented the friggin iPod. Have you heard of it? Now I've asked you politely to take down the fake Apple site. You refused. So we are cranking up the freak switch and moving to Code Orange. My offer is this: One whale a day gets it until the site comes down. I'm warning you. My best friend owns the biggest yacht in the world. I've got lots of money, and lots of whaling spears. Don't make me do this.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Sorry, Greenpeace
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5 comments:
We at Green Peace shall DESTROY you Steve.
Hey Steve,
Save the whales,
...and redeem them for valuable gifts afterwards.
No Whales in Caledonia,
--AMD FanBoi
Hey Steve, we have a perfectly good harpoon cannon with five grenade tips here at the Ashram.
We are worried about your anger again and are wondering if you have had another bad encounter as the butt boy of that ex-CEO whose name you moan in your sleep.
Lentels, carots and home spun await you,
Anon down on the Ashram
Not to worry Steve, it's not only greenpeace you are upsetting now, asshole. The plan to give 100 nano ipods and 5 30G ipods at our Xmas party is, from this moment, CANCELED, that might be little in your sales, but don't worry it's time to spread the word about your nice green attitude.... we will be more upset costumers than stuffed whales...
Go throw yourself into a tuna net, frigtard. You don't deserve to use my beautiful machines. In fact, we're going to refuse to sell them to you. Want to stream movies to your TV? Go buy an Xbox 360 and a Media Center PC and whatever little pieces of crappy crashing software you need and try putting the whole thing together yourself. Trust me, you'll come crying back. And we'll tell you to get lost. I've already instructed all retail outlets to hit you with a stun gun if you dare walk though the door. Don't believe me? Go to the mall and try it. Really. Make my day.
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