|
|
|
Average Customer Review
Share your thoughts with other customers
|
|
|
› See most helpful viewpoints
|
|
597 of 607 people found the following review helpful:
One Friday, Without the Milk, October 30, 2006
He always brought home milk on Friday.
After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.
Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no bouyant greeting - no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue, but also no smile. I didn't speak, but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shrivelled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.
Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?"
"Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."
That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you?
 
|
|
|
|
|
|
186 of 188 people found the following review helpful:
Chateau du Lait Blanc, watch out!, August 9, 2006
One should not be intimidated by Tuscan Whole Milk. Nor should one prejudge, despite the fact that Tuscan is non-vintage and comes in such large containers. Do not be fooled: this is not a jug milk. I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware -- this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler. One should pour just a small dollop and swirl it in the glass -- note the coating and look for clots or discoloration. And the color -- it should be opaque, and very, very white. Now, immerse your nose in the glass and take a whiff. Tuscan transports you instantly to scenic hill towns in central Italy (is that Montepulciano I detect?) --- there is the loamy clay, the green grass of summer days, the towering cypress. And those gentle hints of Italian flowers -- wild orchids, sunflowers, poppies. Then, one takes in the thick liquid and lets it roll across and under the tongue -- what is that? perhaps a hint of a nutty Edam cheese? With Tuscan, you feel the love of every dairyperson involved -- from the somewhat sad and deranged farmhand shovelling steaming cowpies to the bored union milk maiden dreaming of leaving this soul crushing life behind for a job waiting tables for obnoxious American tourists in Siena. But not too fast -- sip gently, slowly, or one is in danger of not only missing the subtleties of the milk's texture and its terroir, but -- if chilled too long -- also of giving oneself a blinding ice cream headache. Nay, savor the goodness that only dairymen and dairywomen working at the apex of their craft can deliver. Tuscan is best drunk young -- no, no, don't cellar this gem -- I guarantee you'll be sorry if you do. I recommend pairing with freshly baked macadamia nut scones. Milk Expectorator gives this one a 92.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you?
|
|
|
|
|
|
300 of 312 people found the following review helpful:
Combine with other foods!, August 5, 2006
Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you?
|
|
|
|
|
|
93 of 94 people found the following review helpful:
Paradise Redredged, August 11, 2006
Timeless works often suffer at the hands of translators. One thinks of the numerous and continuing attempts to render Dante's "Divina Commedia" (another early vernacular Italian masterpiece and contemporary to the justifiably obscure Tuscana Latte series) and the struggle with both terza rima and meaning. No so for Tuscan Whole Milk ("La tutta latte"). Few works are better left where they were found, their authors condemned and eventually flogged. This translation of the redredged third valume of the series was committed by Sir John Stilton, the inebriated English librettist for two of the earliest publicly-immolated operas by P.D.Q Bach, themselves loosely based, in part, on the Tuscan series and "Mechanicae Popularum": "Die Fliegende Kuhe" and "Das Zaubereuter", both banned before their opening nights sometime in the early 1760s.
That Stilton translated the Tuscan series at all was no mere stroke of misfortune. He was a cousin of Leopold von Emmenthaler, present at the Great Flushing of the Florentine sewers in 1755. As recounted in his memoir "Besottene Reisen", returning to his rooms late one night from a drinking binge, Leopold fell into an open ditch which drained into the Arno, but had been clogged. He was saved from drowning in the filth by the floating obstruction created by a massive snarl of wig hair and old used manuscripts -- part of which would later be tragically identified as the only complete copy of "Tuscan." Inspired to further drink by the experience, Leopold vowed to champion the mysterious work. He passed it to Stilton in a stupor sometime in 1759. Though arrested, Leopold was never proscuted for the act and he fled to his native Limburg.
Rarely misunderstood and best left un-retold, "Whole Milk" is the culminating volume of the Tuscan series, but can be read (if necessary) as a standalone work, as both Skim ("Scremato" or "Senza Grassi") and Two-Percent ("Cauto") are diatribes on celibacy and vegetables respectively. A tale of love, betrayal, and gastrointestinal distress, it is in this infamous portion of the "work" that Contessa Bessi meets the cowherd Giovanni de Sargento (the cloaked "Count Grasso") and confronts him with the immortal question "Gotta de latte?" This dubiuosly romantic passage is considered by some scholars as the inspiration for later poetry (e.g. Wordsworth's "I Wandered Lonely as a Cow" (1804); Dickinson's "#255", (""Cow" is the thing with horns." (1867)), books ("Care of Dairy Cattle in Central Peru" (1843); Proust's "Du Cafe chez Vache" (1914)), and even movies (among them "Cud" (1963) with Paul Newman and Patricia Neal; "El Cud," (1961) with Charlton Heston and Sophia Loren; and "The Guns of Navorone" (1961) with Gregorgy Peck and Anthony Quinn).
This Stilton translation of Tuscan Whole Milk remains one of the more curdling, if only because he manages to improve the flavor of the work to the point that more innocent readers might be unwittingly exposed to it. It is clear that Stilton spoke little Italian, certainly not the 14th century vernacular of the region, and had no concept of style and structure. It is not certain that he was even completely literate in English.
One star for calcium.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you?
|
|
|
|
|
|
149 of 156 people found the following review helpful:
Nasty Customer Service, August 9, 2006
This milk worked well when I first got it, but within a few days it wouldn't hold a charge. I called their customer service department and, I don't know if it's in Bangalor or Ireland, but I couldn't understand a word that they said and they began to scream at me.
Finally, though, they sent me another one - but that wouldn't hold a charge, either. I'm beginning to wonder if this is truly meant to be a portable product. I still haven't been able to retreive my email and the video is murky.
It's a bit heavy, too, to wear on your belt. The good news is that it keeps your hip cool during this sultry summer weather - for a while.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you?
|
|
|
|
|
|
588 of 634 people found the following review helpful:
Kubla Khan or, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz, August 6, 2006
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately dairy-house decree:
Where Alf, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man,
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
the sacred cows wandered and fed,
And there were gardens bright with soft young grass,
Where blossomed many a pound of fresh-churned butter;
And casein scents filled the air,
Engorging the nostrils of naughty milk-maids.
A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian milk-maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Cottage Cheese.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 'twould win me,
That with music loud and long,
I would build that dairy in air,
That sunny dome! those cows of wonder!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Moo! Moooo!
Her flashing eyes, her swinging udder!
Weave a circle round her thrice,
And squeeze the teats with care,
For she on sweet grass hath fed,
And produced the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon,
128 fl oz, of Paradise.
-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge, 1816
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you?
|
|
|
|
|
|
151 of 159 people found the following review helpful:
Serious Problem, August 10, 2006
This product copiously leaks out of my nose whenever I read these reviews.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you?
|
|
|
|
|
|
70 of 71 people found the following review helpful:
How can you pass up such a bargain?, November 30, 2006
Online ordering of extremely perishable food is going to TAKE OFF when people realize how much fun and convenient the idea is. I got my milk just yesterday. Here are all the details!
Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz
$3.99 - Quantity: 1 - In Stock
Condition: new
Sold by: Gristedes Supermarkets of New York
I was considering buying used milk from a trusted Amazon reseller but decided against it. So you'll notice the condition of MY milk was "New." I deserve this luxury.
I toyed with the idea of second business day delivery but Amazon in its infinite wisdom limited me to "Expedited."
Shipping Method: Expedited
Here's the best part.
Order Summary
Items: $3.99
Shipping & Handling: $26.25
Total Before Tax: $30.24
Estimated Tax:* $0.00
Order Total: $30.24
Why go to my local store and pay $2.99 for a galon of milk when I can have it overnight delivered for 10 times that price? I think I'll get three gallons next time. As a current Pentagon employee, this makes perfect sense to me. You won't Be-Lieve the taste of 30 dollar milk. It just coats the tongue with layer upon layer of bovine extract luxury. Internet milk is soooo much more milkyliscious than crappy store bought. Next, I'll be checking out the $50 12 ounce hot coffee order. Catch the wave!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you?
|
|
| | | |
