The Worst Videogame Box Covers

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EGM Magazine

2008 Holiday Gift Guide
Find the best games to give as gifts this holiday season.

15 of the worst first impressions.

Mary Kate & Ashley Crush Course (PC)

I wasn't even going to bother with all the Olsen twins games. I mean, mocking something like that is about as challenging as capping a quadriplegic toddler. But hell, nice use of Photoshop's "make things look like they came out of Andy Warhol's butt" filter. And on the topic of Photoshop, you guys have fun changing those word balloons. At least if you can actually think of something more vacuous to shove in there. Maybe "Still not doing porn!" or "Laxatives are magic skinny-candy!"

Strip Poker Live (CD-i)

Pick a card.

Don't tell me what it is... just hang onto it.

I think this thing should get an award for Least Arousing Game Cover Ever. It doesn't so much say "naked ladies inside" as "laundry day at Penn Jillette's house." Every other goddamn game has to have boobies flopping all over the front, but when you actually have a good reason for that? Nothing. It's like how ads use sex to move everything from cars to soda, but when it's time to sell mattresses, all they have to show is a couple sleeping. They were probably tired out from f***ing on all those cars.

Now, let me guess. Did you pick the Ace of Dirty Panties? I knew it.

Zelda's Adventure (CD-i)

Otherwise known as "Zelda Left the Goddamn Lights on Again -- Stupid Bitch Thinks Money Grows on Trees." Not that we can fault the cover for being boring. Really, making Zelda's Adventure look duller than it actually is might be hard to pull off, but at least they didn't build up our expectations. Well, unless you mistake it for the Watching Zelda Dress from the Tree Outside Her Window Adventure.

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15 of the worst first impressions.

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